THOUGHTS ON THIS MOST RECENT EPISODE is a collection of poems written by myself that deal with the incredible feelings I was subject to during an episode lasted at least 4 months. During this time I was near-crisis & agitated, miserable, depressed &
hyperactive, isolating & quiet, creative, all-knowing, angry & The Void Herself all within the span of a morning. It was a nightmare. In fact, it was mainly because of my nightmares. My dreams.
Dreams played an important role in the writing of my book. Really, most of the poems were conceived of a merge by my dreams (imagination) & consciousness. Imagination is a pregnant, open-ended & cosmic library chronicling the possibility in universal motif. //& it was in this library where I checked out the book on grandeur, delusion, & toxicity. I took it a little too seriously. Hey.
Have you heard of the Keep Breathing Campaign? Well, if not: they’re a nonprofit organization raising money & awareness for mental illness & art therapy. After hosting a charity open mic with them, I was asked if I’d be interested in being part of their project [Shred Not Red: Volume One – An Album of Hope] which “will include a variety of genres all with one similar message about living life to the fullest.”
More than slightly unsure how I’d do it, I said yes. Then, //after a little
blood, sweat, help & piano: Universal Void Theory was born.
Fast forward some begging & persuasion later, & you’ll see me seated behind my boyf, barking away orders for piano, strings, guitar, bass, etc., their effects & then sitting back with closed eyes to take in the composition. I snap open, “There!” I say. “Maybe make the bells play backwards there? You know?”
“Where exactly is ‘there’??” He asks with weary patience. (I make one bad, not-so music savvy conductor, if I do say so myself.)
But! This takes me to my point. My THOUGHTS ON THIS MOST RECENT EPISODE album parts 1-3, including the single Infinite Longings, is available for free listening, (tips encouraged), through bandcamp.
//// Sitting down to create the musical soundscapes filled with around the bend mystery & intrigue has been a very difficult & a slow going process. However, I find it the most worthwhile thing when I hit play & hear what I orchestrated & recited myself (mistakes & all,) spinning dizzy throughout the room or earbud & influences my thoughts. (*)
Parts 1-3 have the first 24 out of 54 poems from my book. Together they equal about a 17 minute listen through of demur theatrics,, imaginations spitting personal mythologies & music made by a gal who does so more by feel than skill. //Please please me by inviting yourself to a world my own. Where significance lie in the smallest of noises. Bells, whispers, repeated melodies. I challenge you to think through the chaos of my noise, & discover a hidden cosmos, universe, story I’ve buried. In fact, maybe you’ve buried?
What do you hear in the tinkle of the bell?
Where is that electro beat coming from?
She sang that poem. Why?
//As time moves on, I find myself shedding & regrowing, then shedding again, regrowing, the feelings of the Episode. Crisis encoded; I’m a walking tragedy. But that doesn’t mean I can’t touch the outside world with my tarred fingertips. –Everything I touch turns black: & that’s why my poems are so dark. Because I touch them & they are mine.
I want you to believe in me.
The pieces strung together in THOUGHTS are me, are mine, are for you. I need you to think thoughts you’ve never before. I want you to understand that either 1) you’re not alone, or 2) be nice; some people are battling a lot. Possibly their own minds. But, underneath all that, what I really want is to entertain your mind for a few minutes. Be that voice you hear in your head rattling around with a message & clumsy sounds.
Do you dare?