,, In all disorder, a secret order. — Carl Jung

Hello, ,,is it me you’re looking for?

Yes, I’m laughing about the title too. ////

Hello there. Amber Renee here, writing to you from my place in heart & obligation, with everything & nothing to say, but here I am. //For context: I’m just sitting here at my makeshift workplace, earbuds in listening to Run The Jewels 1 & wondering what I could tell you interesting enough to keep you reading. I wrack my brains, confused as I’m reading Top 10’s about What Readers Like, & printing those pages & pages of printables findable on Pinterest. How to Start a Blog! Social Media Planner Printable! How I Make 4,000 Million Billion Dollars from Affiliate Links a Day, & You Can Too!

Bah humbug.

I mean, no, it’s not that I don’t believe the hype. (Check my purple binder full of said printables. Oh, I’m hoping…) No, it’s more that I’m confused. What hole could I possibly fill that you didn’t know you’re missing? What can I say? What can I type? What will you read?

Answer: Me.

Will you read me? Will you indulge in my type? // What about an Amber-sized hole in your heart? Did you know you were missing… me?

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Just who do I think I am? Coming ’round this here your internet device, taking up YOUR precious screen time & wasting YOUR device’s battery life. I know. I’m practically the anti-Christ.

That, or a woman (Strange, to think I’m not a “girl” anymore. Woman seems so grown,) in her mid 20s, disabled & half-crazy, looking to connect & share with those willing to connect back.

Dear Diary,

Hello, tonight I am going to a concert of my boyfriend’s friend’s band. (My bf also plays in a band.) I am both nervous & excited. Excited to listen to live music & see some faces. Nervous to look for a seat the whole time, as I can’t stand for long. Is it rocker to sit through the show? Maybe “rocker” chair.

I’m also nervous to see those faces I was talking about. It’s been a while, & I’m afraid I’m not who I was.

In any case, I can only show them who I am & hope for the best. I am not perfect, not even close. I am flawed & emotional & trying my hardest at being a good human in this chaotic world. Through hell or high water (wtf both sound horrible) I will be me. & tonight I will listen to music, feel the bass thump my heart faster & be.

-Amber

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